Jokes about trading
Trader and humor.
Unemployed trader sells potatoes in the market, always easy to find – it has two prices: the purchase and sale.
Day-trader’s wife complains about her friend:
– Now I know what stocks has been my faithful.
Heard yesterday, he spoke on the phone that PARADISE – on one side, and the position will not change.
Meet with the client broker-trader.
– Look, it’s true that you recently baptized?
– What has come, no longer can without higher powers?
– I talked with the father, he has such a persuasive! Talk to him, you will see for yourself.
Broker comes to church. Hour it is not, two. Finally, beyond pleased.
– Well ???
– Father yet signed a brokerage contract …
– Please do not close the position of marginalization cola, I am a former broker.
– It is for this and I will cover, I am a former trader.
– what are the chances that came out today on the street you meet Napoleon?
Mathematician overlaid directories, calculators, computers, locked for three days in the room and gave the answer:
– approximately 0.000001 percent.
The same question was asked a trader with experience. The answer came immediately:
– 50 to 50, or a meeting, or not meeting.
Equis firm released a lubricant for long periods of moving averages. Now MA with a period of more than 100 slides much better. According to statements of the firm’s management greases release for shorter periods of moving averages is planned for mid to late 2000. The company’s shares jumped 6 points.
The analyst asked:
– Tell me, what are your predictions always coincide?
– Of course, always, only the date is sometimes not the same …
Dying old broker. Going to the council of physicians. discuss:
– Who has a fever of 38.9. When you get to 41, it will likely die.
Old broker raised and the last effort says:
– In forty and a half to sell.
Go father (trader) and son of the zoo.
Son saw the gorilla and says
– Dad, look, a trader!
– Overgrown, unshaven, and corn on the train ….
Old trader sits in front of the monitor to work. There are two points sshibet, then five, and so the whole day.
Goes to him the young trader, and give it to criticize:
– Yes, how you work, so you have no system, but all you’re doing this garbage, Galimov pipsing …
He turns to his old trader and says:
– You know, tired of being smart, want some money.
– What is the futures trading of primitive people?
– Exchange the two axes on the skin of not killed bear.
Analysts give forecasts are divided into two classes:
– Those who do not know what will happen.
– Those who do not know that they do not know.
They sit drink two traders.
1 trader: And what is the logic?
2 Trader: Here comes the bearish trend, all turkeys resold … You buy or sell?
1 trader: Buy!
2 trader: That is the logic.
We drank more …
1 trader: And what is the dialectic?
2 Trader: Here comes the bearish trend, all turkeys resold … You buy or sell?
1 Trader: Of course, buy it!
Trader 2: No! A successful trader, it is therefore a good sho against the trend does not climb. It is necessary to wait until the end of rollback, and then sell. This is the dialectic.
We drank more …
1 Trader: What is philosophy?
2 Trader: Here comes the bearish trend, all turkeys oversold levels beaten … Where goes the price?
1 trader: A ridge … knows!
Trader 2: This is the philosophy.
At the doctor’s:
– to complain that ?!
– “Trade” …
– and how often this is happening to you?
– all day, but …
In the bar:
Drunk trader in the bar beckons to her luscious blonde.
– Honey, that told me if I suggest a night 100 bucks?
– The answer is YES.
– And what if I will offer only 10 bucks?
– You’re taking me for someone? Naturally NO !!!
– Hmm, I just measure the spread.
Old young analyst:
If you do not know what to say, say that the current trend continues.
Of all the professionals only they can secure a good life, never proved right throughout his career.
Hooray! Guessed entry point …
… Oh, wrong with the direction.
Exchange – long-range gun … I do not see who you robbed
The first rule of the Exchange. Who knows – does not speak, who say – do not know.
The second rule of the Exchange. If everyone thinks that prices will rise – prices will not rise.
Two traders went on a trip in a balloon. Suddenly a strong wind blew, and shortstop off course. Going down to a height of 20 meters, they saw a man at the bottom:
– Hey, buddy, tell me where we are?
– You are in a hot air balloon 20 meters above the ground.
– The answer is absolutely accurate and totally useless. It seems that we have met the exchange analyst ?!
– Yes. And you probably traders, you never know where you are.
The financial company to work arranged a new trader. At the interview, he is asked:
– Why were you fired from previous jobs?
– For health.
– How sick?
– Suffered my boss, and I did not. Every time he saw the results of my work, he felt bad. Long so could not continue, some of us had to go.
Our days. Tour of Washington (DC).
The guide points to a historical place and said that at the time Dzhordzh Vashington broke at this point the river dollar.
One of the tourists, looking at the river, angrily exclaims:
– No one can throw a coin over the river at this place!
– It is necessary to remind you that while the dollar was flying much farther!
Exchange statistics similar to a swimsuit: the fact that it opens – it is very important.
But what it hides – is much more interesting.
There are two traders. One another:
– Let me borrow 100 bucks.
Second, digging in your wallet gets 50, gives and says:
– In here, but I’m only 50.
– Well, let’s 50. A 50’ll have!
What is the difference two states – the United States and Afghanistan?
One – a wild, barbaric, terrorist state controlled by a gang of terrorists, inhabited by bloodthirsty bastards with a complete lack of morals, ready to kill their opponents anywhere in the world, because their opinions differ slightly …
And another – a small mountainous country in Central Asia …
The less you say now, the less you’ll have to make excuses tomorrow.
Paradise. The queue for check-in. Very long th …
Suddenly they look, are angels lead man.
Small, bald, twitching of some. And by all queue directly in the best palace.
Here the Pope indignantly:
-What! I’m here, you know, Dad, all of a righteous governor of God, and you are in front of me in the best apartments of some sinners to settle!
And it meets the Archangel:
-Here, you know, the Popes and without you – that dogs nerezanyh and honest broker for the first time fell …
One analyst came to the village. And I saw a large flock of sheep that pass the host. Approaching him, the analyst offers:
– Master. Let’s bet on one of the sheep that I have 2 minutes to count all your flock.
– Come on.
– There are exactly 1264 sheep.
– That’s right, take.
The analyst takes and starts to leave. Then the shepherd catches up, and says:
– Do you want, I’ll tell you who you are?
– You – stock analyst!
– It is amazing, how did you guess?
– I’ll tell you, but first put in place my dog!
-I bought dollars …
-Che is not the euro?
Exchange – a very mysterious place. At the same time one buys, another sells, and both feel very clever!
Trader is sitting at the bar.
Before him two faceted glass: one with vodka, another brandy.
Drink vodka – then drink the same amount of brandy. And again: a sip of vodka – sip
He is asked:
– Why do you wash down vodka, brandy?
– And I have today … sideways!
Broker calls the customer:
– I have two news for you, one bad and one good. I’ll start with the bad: your position was closed by stop-loss …
– And what is good?
– the volumes were quite small on this day!
Profitnye position – the current position in the black (unreal). Temporary state position before moving it into perspective.
Promising position – the current position in the red (the prose of life). As a rule, it tends to Loss’u Stop, Stop Loss.
Scalper – a short-term investors who invest in the stock for five minutes.
How to distinguish a trader from the average person?
His red fingers! – I moved down the roof and crushed!
At the stock exchange, you can easily make a small fortune, if with a large prinesosh.
Calling one trader to another:
– Hello, ask, please, Vasya.
– This is Bob.
– Vasya, hello, this is Nick, how are you doing ?!
– Hi good!
– Oh, sorry, I do not seem to get there …
– Dad, how to write: the economy revives or vozroshdaetsya?
– Through the “w”, of course. And writing … and reborn …
Dow Jones news tape:
On the Russian stock exchange introduced an analogue of the American NASDAQ index. Under the title “A US – SO”
Analysts do not answer the questions because they know the answers; they are responsible because they are asked.
Brand new happy customer of investment after signing the contract departs inspired on the street, see a fortune-teller, holds out his hand:
– fortune told me something, my dear!
Gypsy, looking at his hand:
– What is there to wonder: it is too late …
Murphy rules for trading:
Rule №1 – Correctly placing the order does not work.
Corollary to Rule №1 – If the order is triggered, then it was put right.
Rule №2 – Opening a position with the trend able to expand the market in the opposite direction.
Corollary to Rule №2 – Not the fact that the opening position against the trend also able to expand the market, on the contrary, the trend will intensify.
When the graph goes against you open a position, do not despair … You just need to flip the monitor.
Market-maker – unfortunately too unattainable for the trader. The main task of a market maker – to open a position trader to slip or not open at all, as well as to protect the trader from Target attacks. For this purpose fast market, frozen system and a complete ignorance of the Russian language. The dispute with the market maker will automatically increase the slip in the next transaction.
A novice trader, suited to the old experienced:
-Which is the best indicator, well, that would indicate where to sell, where to buy and where to close and to always bring profit …
The lowest dollar was recorded once in Chukotka, where the locals do not give anything for $ 1.
Investor asks his financial adviser:
– Really all my money gone? Every penny gone?
– Why is it gone ?! Just now they belong to someone else.
Item – they need to collect, preserve, save, and not to lose that by definition impossible. Plus-profit pips up and treat Steytment. Minus pips complicate the health of the trader and his relationship with the investor.
To a question about werewolves …
-How to become a successful trader?
-You need to bite successful trader.
– Until now, I can not sleep after the crisis.
– And I sleep like a baby.
– Can not be!
– Yes, every hour, wake up and cry!
-What is the best way out of crisis Russia?
In addition to the fire and moving water there is one thing on which a person can watch endlessly: the change in prices in the stock market.
Analyst – an expert who will know tomorrow, for some reason, he predicted yesterday did not happen today.
broker Client: “Mo-mo-Jette same-dd-give n-p-40 shoulder?”
Broker: “I do not stutter …”
– Hello, this is the International Monetary Fund? We asked to transfer money …
– Well, we translate. “Money” – a “moneu”.
Trader – crazy man, because he believes in miracles.
Normal people usually do not believe in miracles.
Stock markets in panic – Moldova again inflated prices for dill.
I have in the bank is a pretty decent amount.
It is certainly good – but there is one drawback … before the first digit.
Stop Loss – Standard trader’s exit from the market. Performed market maker
Grandfather sitting with grandson, juice drink. Comes mother:
– You have heard, US stocks rose again.
– Did you buy our shares, our something with which to go up?
Good traders are two types of people:
1. genius who knew that exchange trading – a profitable business, and
2. absolutely stupid, who do not even know that to trade successfully in FOREX is impossible …
Comrade believe – it will come,
to market the third wave …
– Dad, I want to be a trader.
– chepez my tpup only.
– Well, in general I have already poured 100 pieces forex …
Trader drafted …
And once thrown into a hot spot …
There are going to their group commander and says – “for every head brought the spirit I will give you $ 50 ?.
By evening, all return, and the trader and no …
Well, we decided already that killed somewhere, mourned for him, and forgotten.
Here … a week drives a truck, driving the trader, and the body – a full head of spirits.
All in shock !!! Commander slightly recovering from the shock says:
– Listen, we have so much money it will not.
Let’s not even 50, and 25 I will pay thee.
A trader him – NEEEETTT !!! I can not – 40 he took …
A dog – man’s best friend …
Broker – the enemy of man … while the dog!
Trader Bartender – Another 100 grams of investment, and I – the real estate!
The son of a banker comes to the Pope and asks:
-Dad, tell me you’re a banker, you people bring money to be deposited, and from which it is your gain. You return them upon request.
Pope banker says:
-Look at this fat synok- I took you and put in the fridge. You come and demand it back, I return it to you, but the fingers were greasy.
Nothing strengthens trust between the partners, as a 100% prepayment.
There is no single model that would predict the direction of movements in exchange rates are much better than this can be done by coin toss.
Big money corrupts, small – embitter.
I want many, many, many medium money.
Bury trader who died on the job of a broken heart.
The processes are work colleagues, and one of them says to the other:
– But if pokoynichek ten minutes longer lived, it would be exactly the Elk ran.
New York. Noon. Heat.
Old Jew Moishe sells seeds on marble stairs Bank of New York.
He is invoked: “Moishe. Give a loan. “
“It is not possible, – he says. – We have an agreement with the Bank of New York “
“Ah, Moishe, leave may not be in your agreement, you see – a bargain, and Come tell a bargain?”
“I do not give a loan, and Bank of New York does not sell seeds!”
Exchange. Top windows on the room – the room. Three broker. Two worn, three handsets in their hands, shouting: “adjusted to the two! take it! Throw off ten and give up! ! Four down … “One, dreamily looking out the window:
– The snow falls … second pause …
– Selling !!!
– You do not know, Nick, how hard it is to close a profitable position!
– And do not say, is almost impossible.
Difficult trading day ended and weary, angry and disheveled trader found in the elevator with the analyst. Trader-analyst (evil):
-Well, now you tell me zzaraza where we go? Up or down?
Two new Russian came to the States and went to the Stock Exchange.
Began on a viewing platform over the pit, and then brokers rushing fingers are arranged, yell …
One friend says, surprised
-Nick, look lope our mulberries bro !!! A Th are told that once we make on your fingers do !!! “
Broker vacation (sitting on the bank of the Thames in a state of half asleep).
To him comes his domoupravitel and says:
– Sir, the Thames has risen by 20 Point.
– (Broker) – Sell immediately !!!
Go to work two tired trader after a busy day.
-Listen, so the subway is already closed!
-Yes, but at what price?
Trader passes at the airport customs.
Comes to his turn, well, he gets the documents, giving them the customs officer.
The customs officer looks at them carefully, and then asks: Where profits?
Trader replies: Blah, which arrived some losses!
An experienced trader teaches beginner:
– Remember, opening the position, intelligent man is always around doubt.
Only dupak can be completely uvepennym something.
– You uvepeny this, master?
There are 2 trader, a friend asks:
– You do one, a bull or a bear?
The second looked at him with sad eyes and said:
– Yes, I’m the goat, the goat …
Not knowing rest and relaxation
When the moon and sunlight
We make money out of thin air
To put them into the wind again.
Bought RAO UES sold, an apartment, a car …
Stockbroker asked to tell the essence of speculation.
– Imagine – he says – that you buy a pair of rabbits and put them in the same cage.
After a while, you have six rabbits.
You buy more cell and transplant them back.
Yet after a while you have these rabbits for twenty.
Buy another rabbit, and soon you will be more than a hundred of.
– How easy! – wonders the source.
– Yes, but … And then all of a sudden flood, and all your rabbits were killed and tormented you from morning to night with the thought:
-Damn, why did not I bought a mirror carp!
EURO Small Trader opened,
All well-current TREND has changed,
Long afterwards, he pressed on the Bat,
No there is not already shining nishysha!
A trader at the casino.
Roulette 3 consecutive drops red.
Trader: – Hmm, yes it is the trend!
Three financial analyst on the hunt.
See more deer.
One aims, shoots, missed – a meter to the left.
The second – to aim, shoot, do not hit – a meter to the right.
A third analyst, is not firing, “Well, on average, we killed him!”
– How much is two plus two?
– And we sell or buy?
Financing for conducting monitoring, marketing, factoring, forfeiting, organize trading, marzhing, clearing, give on lease, provide advice, as obegoring, stibring and svaling.
With Exchange overlook two traders, one in shorts, the other completely naked. Bare says that in his underpants:
-Here’s Bob, for that I respect you, you can stop in time.
The history of the life of a trader:
I wake up one morning, look – a trend worth buckets.
Well, I, of course, in the Long Resistance … and nothing, well, hold, clear position, am feeling – it’s time to make profit. And to me:
-Where … more and no reversal pattern that was not …
Well, I continue, endure, to hold out a double top … And me,
-Even then she conceived, and head & shoulders who will do – Pushkin?
In general, barely made a profit, tired as hell, even on the auction did not go.
Small trader decided pipsovat,
Ctop not set, I became profit wait
Broker to tears laughing, parasite
Looking like it melts deposit.
On-line trade – a wonderful thing! Now you can get the margin number is 5 times faster than before!
Oh, this carry trade!
– I’ll let you take it!
– No, I do not understand!
– I understand perfectly.
– You do not understand, you do not even have a deposit.
– Yesterday was more !!!
One was renovated in the exchange building.
Builders hammering something sawed, and then began a monotone and often to beat with something heavy.
It seemed that someone stomping.
Just open a long position trader asked:
– What’s the bear hollows there?
– This exchange with the bulls go! .. – answered.
When you go into battle with a bull
Look back at least occasionally
To bear on the hammer
Do not get a kick in the ass.
– Who are you?
– I am a financier, I believe the money.
– ah-ah-ah, and I have them
“… we will fall as long as we grow up …”.
“… Now the market downward correction within an upward trend, fit into the lateral movement of the market …”.
The trader came to the palmist:
– You’re defining the future of the lines?
– Yes, of course, everything is determined by the past, present and future.
– Well, – said a trader and laid out in front of him a stack of printouts of stock graphs.
Customer – an investment adviser:
– I would like to invest my money in taxes, I heard that they soon will grow!
First place at the All-Russian contest of jokes awarded to the Central Bank for a phrase of its chairman:
-The situation in the banking sector is stabilized and soon investors will again have nothing to lose!
Sad trader sits at a table in the bar and looking thoughtfully into the glass.
The bar comes to the big man, coming to his table and brazenly drink his glass of whiskey.
Trader raises unhappy eyes and says big man:
– Well, why did you drank my drink, well, why ??? !!!
Slammin little sheepishly replied:
– When I have money, I’ll buy you a new one, so you do not worry …
– How can I not be upset? All my stocks have fallen, I’m going to the bank and find out where he went bankrupt, and when I come out of the bank building, then another, and I see that my car was stolen!
And now you drank my poison and I do not know what to do now …
Good traders are two types of people:
genius, who knew that the exchange trading – a profitable business,
and completely stupid, who do not even know that to trade successfully in FOREX is impossible …
Yeah, Well, again, for the breakdown of fractal Demark through Fibonacci !!! – Trader Thought and dirty cursed …
Investor entrusted their money the same management company.
Time passed, I decided to ask.
Customer: Well, as our successes?
Managing Director: “terrible working conditions were, but we managed. The stock market could push us two or three times to zero and we could lose it all more than once, but we shine out of the situation, losing all your money at once.
It could be worse.
In other words, you do not have anything to us. We will too. Thank you for your cooperation. Since you were so nice to work with. We are waiting for you again. “
Long-term investments – a short-term investment that could not be recouped quickly.
Trader is a tax inspector …
-Over the past year, your income amounted to 54 thousand rubles. But according to our information 3 months ago you built a villa worth three million euros !.
Trader, without batting an eye:
-I’ll tell … Three months ago I went on a fishing trip … alone.
And catch a goldfish … … I put forth a villa of 3 million euros …
Fish sang, and I let her go – all to be honest …
Inspector, shocked looks on the trader …
-You do not believe me ??? Well traveled villa show !!! “
Broker – a person who is on the right side of the phone.
Trader invited his neighbors to dinner.
Over dinner, he asked what they do for a living.
The seven-year Mike jumps up and shouts with joy:
– My father – fisherman cool!
– Misha, why do you call a fisherman dad, he’s a broker?
– Every time we come to work for him, we see the same picture.
Dad talking on the phone, and when it hangs up, then laughs, rubbing his hands and saying: “Well, I caught another fish!”
Stop loss – is the size of a predetermined loss in which the trader is still able to control himself.
From the diary of the trader:
8.00 – breakfast
9.00 – opening position in 1000
10.00 – topping.
11.00- closing positions
12.00- conclusion 1.000.000
13.00 – receipt of money in the bank
15.00- Gala Dinner
And so the whole week.
Boring things ……
– Please tell me you your job satisfies?
– You know, I go to work: girls are good, I want to ..
I go to work, the same girls, but no longer want. So satisfying.
Do you want to roll out millions?
Arrange the mint loader.
– What do the forex and sex?
– Three letters.
– “CEN”. And what you think?
In connection with the fall of the dollar, the US government has decided to support the initiative of Iran and abandon the settlements in greenbacks paper.
So China, Japan and Russia became the world’s largest holders of numismatic collections.
Once we realized on three:
forester, zoo keeper and currency trader …
And because there were, there were the common topics of conversation!
Trader Jobs similar to job hunters: if you are lucky, you can fuck a moose …
And if you are not lucky – well, not so lucky …
Trader got the captain to a chic liner.
-Captain, Captain! Iceberg on the course of the ship !!!
-Iceberg? on the course of a ship? No, dear ….
– Today, just a day: even a dollar – and he fell – embarrassed excuses trader in front of his girlfriend.
Russian trader for failure – it is just an excuse to drink, and good luck – it is also a good opportunity to have a snack.
The research firm has opened a branch in the village. It comes to them and says the farmer:
– What do I do, I have chickens die?
– Do you feed them?
– Yes. Wheat.
– And you podsolite wheat.
A week later he comes again:
– I salt the wheat, and they still die.
– And you poite them?
– Yes. Water.
– And you sweeten the water.
Farmer comes to them a third time:
– I salt the wheat, sweetened water, and all the chickens have died.
– All – all? It is a pity. And we have a lot of good advice for you.
Technical analysis – a form of divination, which is practiced by traders to predict market behavior.
Son of a trader comes to his mother:
-Mom, I was told that I was schizophrenic
-What are you the son, who told you that?
-Bollinger … Once I RSI’ayku zafiltroval through the LPF,
I gave her a Fibonacci fan, and put it all Eksponentsianye removals,
boosted in amplitude, weighing them by volume moment.
Sitting on a bench two traders are sipping beer.
Passes by the nice girl, they noticed it, they say:
-Vauuu … Look, what schedule !!!
-You’re at the bar, at the bar look !!!
-Yeah … I’d gone to Long !!!
-And I would have shorted … ..
We take on the trader’s work, sex and age do not matter, the salary – very high, free schedule, vacation – anywhere in the world, at any time. Condition: Buy cheaper to sell – more expensive.
To do if I trading? – I asked both the novice an experienced trader.
Engage – he replied. – If it comes – you will become a rich man, if it does not all lose – a philosopher.
Dying old trader, and asks to call to his deathbed broker and analyst. They come to him, and he asks them:
– Stand up, one left and one right from my bed.
Those stand. And then one of them does not stand up and asks:
– Mister, why such a strange request?
– I want to die like Iisus Hristos – between the two razboiynkov!
Besides foreign Stop-Loss, there are other joys of life.
Specifics of work at Forex:
When the “money makes money”, traders close to the candles are.
A conversation between two traders:
– Hey, how’s your brings new trading system?
– $ 30 …
– That sucker!
– At one o’clock…
– That bastard!
This guide is prepared by the specialists of the Taliban movement Traders for internal use.
Since our terrorist organizations always need money, we have learned to make them in the currency markets.
Below we describe the recommendations for the preparation of a stable profit.
Our experts found that the market movement on 100 points requires a terrorist attack with a charge equivalent to at least 50 kg of TNT.
Remember, Trotil is you friend!
For larger movements need at least one (preferably 2 or 3) aircraft, equivalent to a Boeing 747.
Intradeyschiku scalpers do not need to think!
He had no time to think …
He even harmful to think …
He needs to quickly make decisions!
Trading – is a constant movement: someone Chevilly brains, someone claps his ears …
The analyst comes to the DESC (department, where sit the dealers and customer service transactions) and says:
– Guys help me, I’m writing, I write about the market and everyone says that I do not understand because never in my life did not buy any shares.
A trader replies:
– Well, come here. Click this button here … Here you and bought his first share. Now no one will talk to you so. Go, Sasha, go.
Sit two young and experienced trader.
– How do you think the market will go where?
– Up or down – I do not know, but I do know that right.
Today, in the course of the next collapse of the US stock market, the stock rose sharply producer of revolvers Smith & Wesson.
Also, the commodity markets experienced a sharp increase in sales and hemp soaps …
There are two friends.
One black eye on the floor face and arm in a cast.
– What happened to you?!
– Yes, each trader on the Corporate Party called, well, I’m toast, and said …
-And what he said?
-“Three moose,” he said …
My brother is a child wanted to be a trader.
And I – the doctor to cure his brother.
A good trader knows in advance what it will do when the price goes, “do not go there.”
Bad trader knows in advance what he would do, he thinks that the price will come “is not there”, and then he decides, but right now there is nothing to break his head.
Very bad trader knows for sure that the price is “not there” will never go.
Trader comes to the familiar and asks a very large sum of:
– Why do you need so much?
– I know a way to make money on Forex. I really do not have enough bit.
– Well, you have the same two towers in the background, you know the theory of probability, and reasoned like a child. In the Forex market, it is impossible to earn !!!
– Let’s make a bet, you’re buying a bottle of expensive cognac, if I get rich.
Six months later, a trader comes over cognac.
Another surprise asks:
– But how did you get rich?
– I bought a Dealing Center
In the store, “Everything for the trader” on sale of diamonds! The range is huge, our prices will pleasantly surprise you!
If you purchased $ 1,000 of shares Delta Airlines one year ago,
now the cost of your package would be – $ 194
with Fanni Mey would have left $ 2.50,
but with AIG – less than $ 15.
But if you then have bought $ 1,000 of beer, drank it and passed alljuminievye banks you there would be $ 214 in cash.
Friday, heartbroken trader comes to the pharmacy:
– I heard you have a candle, let me please.
– You what, hemorrhoids, or contraceptive?
– I’m white, and genuine …
A trader at the computer late at night feeling a touch behind.
It turns – his wife standing naked and charming – looks tenderly at him.
-Sorry, honey, but a computer is not available …
Generally, trading – an exciting and enjoyable experience.
The main thing – to choose the right anti-depressants …
Trader complains to his friend:
– I had it all: money, a magnificent house, a luxury car and a beautiful woman who loved me. And then bam! All at once disappeared.
– What, a series of losing trades? – asks the man.
– No, worse, his wife knew …
For Soros is suitable broker and says:
– Want me to make you a millionaire …
– Chur me, mind you … – said Soros
– What are the similarities between the sperm and traders?
– And those and others come to millions of jobs, and only to a few manage to survive and multiply.
A trader on the beach.
Ha nice to look at the sea! You look at the beach and there – for rollback back …
Husband sitting at the computer working on the stock exchange, the wife at this time at the table stitched by curtains on the machine.
– Lord, in the wrong direction ..
– Bl … Exactly.
Astrologers have found that people who trade on the stock exchange, in a past life was not only the bulls and bears, but also sheep, donkeys, turtles, rabbits, pigs, and other animals.
Broker small investment company, reading the latest financial news, said to his colleague:
– Look, another financial giant has fallen, and this too prinakrylsya … and he went bankrupt. So soon we will enter the top ten leaders.
The last words of the trader, a sapper, a pilot, parachutist, Auto (Motorcycle) racing,
electrician, trainer of lions, tamer of snakes and climber:
“Do not bother, I know what I’m doing!”
Mother says daughter:
– Marry a trader ??? …… God forbid my daughter.
Today he is a millionaire, a beggar tomorrow.
For the analyst, is another matter! These ALWAYS IN CHOCOLATE!
If for you, the doorbell rang, and said they came with a warrant.
Be sure to check with what is, Stop-Loss and Take-Profit.
If callers have neither the one nor the other, do not open the door.
Ads on doors of DC:
“Dealing center traders Christians” Good News “announces its liquidation.
All complaints will be dealt with in order of priority of their arrival … immediately after the Day of Judgment “
– Dad, we will concern the financial crisis?
– No, son. The financial crisis will affect those who have the finances. And
who has not, so will just pi $ dec.
Two analysts set on a road sign with the word “stop, the end is near, turn it is too late.”
Past them at high speed passes a beautiful sports car, the driver-tryder shouting and waving his fist:
– fucking sectarians, you’ve got …
The car disappears around the bend, crashing out and heard a loud Bulka-to …
One analyst says to the other:
– Yes, Bob most likely you were right and we had to just write – “the bridge is broken!”
Go to the office to broker two advanced teenager. Hanging on the wall panels with quotes and news. One asks:
– What kind of a cool DJ, that even in the financial news tape glows, and I do not know?
In response to a dumb question company staff the visitor specifies:
– Well, do you have on the screen says: DJ BN …
Traders crossword puzzles:
– the fallen beings, five letters, the last – the soft sign?
CEO of a large company decided to give a prize of $ 500 for the best idea to save the company money by growing crisis. The award was given to a young officer who suggested reducing the size of the bonus to $ 100.
On Russian exchanges Autumn Sale! Discounts of 50%!
Technical analyst got in an accident.
It caused the traffic police.
Measurements, examination of witnesses, etc. Inspector charts incident ..
Analyst stares at the paper, then on one side the head is tilted, then the other and says:
Listen friend, I see that you have to buy only what you draw on the graph machine?
Every trader thinks about tomorrow.
What it is, is the bottom?
The good technical analysis, it’s the fact that if the graph does not draw a triple top or head-shoulders, indicating a turn, so he draws a double top (indicating a reversal). Kraynyak, he will draw spike, indicating the (guess !!!!) reversal, of course!
Candlesticks. Graphical analysis of the financial markets [Nison Stiv].
The term “Japanese candles” are rooted in antiquity, a time when those who do not want to sell the rice for 10 yuan – made “gallows”
and those who buy – “hammers”. Heads.
Terrible, but it was an interesting time!
And even were the “stars”, “umbrella”, “breakdown”, “grabs the belt” and other instruments of torture.
Despite the fact that the candlestick analysis for many years, this technique continues to evolve and now.
So, for example, in our century, in 2004, on the background of the Bank of Japan currency intervention, an entirely new type of spark – Japanese Gemmoroynaya candle (you can see on the chart 09-03-2004 19.00 USDJPY M15) with the length of the shadow of 100 points.
On the first day of creation, God created light, and Satan made it to spite the darkness.
On the second day God created sex, and Satan – marriage.
On the third day God created the broker, and Satan thought for a moment and created another broker.
500 – OK.
$ 1,000 – well.
$ 5,000 – excellent.
$ 20 000 – well, not too bad …
– Doctor, I have limited mental capacity, help!
– And why all of a sudden?
– I do not know … That other traders say that they have 100% per month and goes up. I could barely get out of moose …
– Well, then you tell me too!
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